I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize