just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
