i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
