I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
