I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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