this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
