Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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