i think my tv is drunk
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
