Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
