I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
