so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
