He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Houston, we have a blender
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
