What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
