I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She bit a glass in half.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
