I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
