I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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