I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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