so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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