i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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