grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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