If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize