I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
