Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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