I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I enjoy the company of your penis
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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