Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
