goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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