We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
