finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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