I will die if light touches me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
