there was a trapeze. enough said
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
