I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
