OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
