did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
