I just saw a hot homeless man
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Randomize
