the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize