its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
They took my balls.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
