look no pants
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
