but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
