And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
