Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
