the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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