every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
