I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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