the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
