I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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