Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
