I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
