For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
They have beer where we have blood.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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