Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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