so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
