do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
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