my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
