Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
