remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
organizing the empties. That sober.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize