We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
