I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
