Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
