is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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