Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
