One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
