This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
