I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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