We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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