Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
