I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
