I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
