i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize