her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
