And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
