i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
