yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
