It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
