one might say we're banned from that church
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
