All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
