I will die if light touches me.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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