So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
