marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
