Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
